But.

Today was the day I got to take a deep breath and the world came off my shoulders. We had gone in two weeks ago for our first ultrasound and our doctor gave us our little kidney beans run down, great heart beat, little hands and feet, moving around like crazy, everything looks good but…
Right then I stopped breathing. I couldn’t breath. But’s are not ok, especially in doctors offices.
She pointed out a faint dark line and said it was something to get checked out to make sure the baby was ok. She referred us to a specialist and said she would call within the week to set it up.
As soon as I hit the car I cried. Kevin and I sat for a long time before we could even consider driving home. Finally he kissed my forehead and stretched across to the passengers seat and kissed my belly and told me this baby is ok, I know it.
We called each parent to tell them what we were told and found a lot of reassuring comfort and advice. Both my mom and Kevin’s mom shared all of there “but’s” during their pregnancy’s and gave me some peace of mind.
I tried my best not borrow trouble and be patient but no luck. I called the doctors office to get a better understanding of what they were looking for and what exactly they thought was going on.
They told me when I called that my appointment would be on our anniversary at 7am in the morning. When Kevin and I talked about it later I told him that I knew that we would go and everything would be fine, I took prenatal vitamins for three months before we even tried, I exercised, I ate healthy, I stopped drinking caffeine and alcohol three months before and this baby was so wanted. I told him I knew we would go and that it would be the best anniversary gift we have ever had hearing, everything is ok. So that is what I hung on to.
Finally the day came and we were both up and ready to go at 6 just off of nerves. We filled out all of the paper work and sat holding hands in the waiting room not sure if we could handle what we were about to go through.
A very kind lady called us back and introduced her self and took us back to a small dark room with a huge tv screen used to show us our baby. Kevin sat in the chair next to me and took my hand as she started the ultra sound. My heart stopped when I saw that our little bean wasn’t a little bean any more…it looked like a baby. Kevin squeezed my hand and we look at our little us with amazement. It had hands and feet and was pretty good at using them, kicking and flipping around. I could see it’s little heart going a million miles and hour and every time I coughed or laughed it bounced around. It took about 15 minutes just to get one picture because it was bouncing around so much. She looked at us and said I can’t officially say, but honestly I can’t find anything wrong with this baby, everything looks perfect. She continued the ultrasound to get more pictures and finish collecting all the data the doctors needed. After she finished she took the information to their head doctor on call and had him review our ultrasound and he said exactly what she said, everything was perfect.
Because of having had cancer I had to meet with a genetic counselor after our appointment. She told us she had gone over the ultrasound and if they say we have nothing to worry about we REALLY have nothing to worry about. She congratulated us on the news and completed more blood test.
We texted Kevin’s mom who was out of town the picture of the ultrasound not sure if it was too early to call and told her everything was ok. We went to my mom’s day care with all of the pictures and showed her and all of her little two years our baby. Kevin’s mom called right after and was so happy.
We haven’t stopped smiling since. It is amazing that something so small that you have never met before can stop your whole world from turning. I hope our baby can feel just how loved it is. It is so very loved, even if it is just the size of a lime!

Our little lime!

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