What it all comes down to.

I was 20 years old recovering from surgery on my mothers couch when I realized what being a good mother really meant. That afternoon I felt every bit the child. I was sitting in pajamas curled up like I was in still school and sent home ill by the nurse. Everything was so ordinary. As unremarkable as that day was it held the moment that changed my life. The phone rang, my mother answered and I saw her face. My heart sank and that is when my world started to spin in slow motion. I didn’t need to hear the words to know, it was written across my mothers face when my doctor said the words “your daughter has cancer.”
I was raised by an remarkable woman, my mother. She was both a stay at home, single mom and working mother in the span of my child hood. But those roles didn’t defined her. She is the epitome of today’s woman – a role model.
My mom never climbed a corporate ladder or had a spic and span clean house. When it all boils down none of that really matters. She lived by the values she passed on to me.
She raised me with the qualities of today’s woman. Women don’t come with a brand like house wife or are looked at as an inferior influence in today’s work force. She raised me to be me. She raised an individual. I wasn’t raised to a certain religion but with questions. Not many adults think to ask a child what do you believe? And when I would tell her she would then say, “what your heart tells you is the truth.” It gave me confidence and strength to know I had an opinion. She made sure I knew from the start life isn’t fair and there is no sense dwelling on it. She raised me to the golden rule. She taught me that true beauty can’t be seen only felt. She taught me the importance of hope, without hope there is no need for tomorrow. She was my role model on true love and that there is only one kind of love, unconditional love. She raised me to believe that nothing is impossible and the strength I had in me was big enough to beat bullies on the play ground in kindergarten and now an even bigger bully – cancer. If I listed each value and lesson she has given me I would have to sit here for a life time to even scratch the surface of her wisdom.
With the click of the phone there went the illusion of invincibility every child has an eventually looses. Even though I had my own home with my fiancé and had started a life of my own it still felt like I was playing house. I still felt like a kid in a fort made of sheets and couch cushions. I always knew if anything really bad would happen my mother would swoop in and save the day but this time it was different. As a child I felt ultimately protected. Anything from a scraped knee to a fight with your best friend could be fixed with a hug and a kiss, as a child a mothers love is the cure. But it was in this battle that I learned it wasn’t the hugs or kisses it was the wisdom and strength that she taught me every day growing up that would be what would ultimately win my battle.
Every thing she had taught me gave me the wisdom, strength and grace to win the battle of my life. I never asked “why me“. Instead I pushed passed the life isn’t fair cries realizing dwelling on it only weakened me . My vanity went out the window instantly and even on my worst days I felt beautiful because my heart was full. I hoped my way through every day clinging to every tomorrow and what it had in store for me. When I wasn’t sure I looked in for the answers instead of out and always found the courage I was looking for.
Being a good mother isn’t about how clean your house is, what clothes or trends you can afford for you children or how much time you have with them. It simply comes down to raising a strong and unconditionally loved person. I may not be a doctor or lawyer and I may not have the cleanest house or be rolling in dough but with the values my mother raised me with I have a full and happy life that I couldn’t be more thankful for. If I could raise our child with an ounce of the wisdom my mother gave me I would feel like the best mom in the world.


2 thoughts on “What it all comes down to.

  1. You once again made me cry lol,
    You are the best daughter,
    You are going to be the best Mommy!
    You are my best friend,
    You are my hero! and of course…
    You will always be my peanut 🙂

  2. What an amazing tribute to your mom. How horrible to hear that “your daughter has cancer” and how miraculous that in that moment you felt her strength and wisdom. Thanks for sharing such loving thoughts and insight. I agree with your mom – you are going to be a great mommy!

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