For the past eight months, I’ve been viewing May 4th as the day. A goal. A final destination. The finish line. Labor day.
It is hard not to. Everyday I am asked a million times, at doctors appointments and from strangers, when is the big day?
But yesterday, perhaps for the first time ever, it occurred to me that May 4th isn’t exactly set in stone. I mean, sure, doctors can approximate a baby’s gestation with almost 100 percent accuracy these days, but in all reality, it really doesn’t mean anything.
Due dates aren’t like appointments. I guess I imagined in my head getting up on May 4th and waking Kevin to tell him “it’s time” and we would happily make our way with family and friends to the hospital to celebrate Noah’s big day. You can look forward to your child’s expected birthday all you want, but that doesn’t mean it’ll happen. In fact, the likelihood is about 10 percent. Maybe less.
I am going to miss being Noah’s home, it is bittersweet. I want to meet him but I also want to be able to breathe again and put my own shoes on with out Kevin’s help. At the same time I am going to miss every kick, hiccup and toss and turn. I am going to miss every little thing about being pregnant. Luckily, I have a sneaking suspicion that I am going to love being a mom even more than I love being pregnant.
Nonetheless, I have started counting down the days. 34 days until Noah’s hopeful arrival, actually 35 if you count how many days I would like between now and Noah’s birthday. I think 9 months and 1 day is a perfect goal. Give him an extra day to hang out and me an extra day to get all my ducks in a row! So Noah listen when you hear me tell people I want a Cinco De Mayo baby, really I am in no rush!
As much as I love being pregnant, I am not going to lie or sugar coat it. It has gotten tough. I actually plan little pro and con list in my head for any task I have to complete. Anything from going to the grocery store to going to the bathroom. For the past two weeks every day that I have gotten up to go to work I have actually asked myself, how am I going to get through today? That question doesn’t stop going through my head until my work day is over and somehow managed the energy to drive home. Even though it is taking its toll on me I plan on working right up until I have this baby. I only have so much time off for maternity leave, and I’m hoping to spend every single one of those days with Noah. Sure, I could start my leave now, but that’s less time on the other end. But don’t think I don’t dream about it.
This week I had to fill out my maternity leave papers and it got me thinking about that two week period before and after your due date that is considered completely normal to deliver. Why don’t they just give a “due date window” instead of a due date? Using the “window” method that means that Noah could come as early as April 20th or as late as May 18th. Even looking at the date April 20th makes my stomach flip, May 18th isn’t any better either. I am pretty sure if Noah is still hanging out by May 18th my views on pregnancy might sour a little. By then I don’t think I’ll be able to get out of bed, form complete sentences or function as a normal human being. Clothes will be a thing of the past. I’ll have to tie bed sheets together around what use to resemble my body and hope that Kevin understands my grunts enough to get me a glass of water and a sheet pizza. You know, for a pre-lunch snack.
So let’s all hope Noah is feeling comfortable and at home until May 5th when hopefully he will feel all festive and ready to join the party. And God forbid if not by May 18th I will take that as a hint that he wants to be an only child.