Inducing heartburn.

So with the looming induction, Kevin and I were given the green light to try to naturally induce at our doctors appointment. No sooner had we hit the car did I have google up and running on my phone with “how to induce labor naturally”.

I am not sure my mind was ready for all of the methods that some mom to be‘s were willing to try. I narrowed down our choices by sticking to more reputable sites.

After reading about 20 list it looked like we had a few good contenders. Walking, spicy food, Chinese food and pineapple.

That day Kevin and I went to lunch at PF Chang’s. We ordered their spiciest menu options. I figured spicy Chinese food, we are taking out two birds with one stone! I nervously bit into each item expecting horrifying heat. I don’t know if I have some sort of super human spicy tolerance but it wasn’t doing it. So out of desperation I took my bowl of chili rice and added straight chili paste and oil to it and ate it. Kevin wanting to do his part and at least attempt to be able to empathize with me took a big bite of it. With tears in his eyes he said, “I am glad you are carrying Noah, I couldn’t eat another bite of that if my life depended on it.” I ate the entire bowl of rice and downed about 5 glasses of water and followed it by 4 tums and hoped that would do the trick but no such luck.

That night still hoping to give Noah a nudge we went to BW3’s and ordered a variety of their hottest wings. I think I ate more ranch and sour cream than chicken with that meal. I would quickly eat three wings and then eat a potato wedge with about 3 tablespoons of sour cream on it to attempt to sooth my mouth.

We waited to see if it would kick start my contractions but still no dice. Just a very upset mouth and stomach.

The next day I ate an entire pineapple. This might not seem like a big deal but after the first bite I knew I was in trouble. My body was pretty angry with me from the day before still. My lips burned, my mouth stung and my stomach felt like it was on fire and I just ate a bite of the most acidic fruit in the world.

But I ate it all. It did take two rounds but I finished the entire pineapple.

Still no luck.

So we are still trying walking. At 39 weeks walking is a form of torture. Walking right now feels like I have just drank 3 big gulps, have to pee like nobodies business and am forced to bounce on a trampoline. Every step bounces Noah’s head on my bladder. The walk consist of Kevin holding my hand while I crush his and me saying ,“oh my God I have to pee, I have to pee right now and we are (insert how many blocks) away from home, I am going to die!” Then I get home and oh wait, false alarm I didn’t have to pee. Hilarious.

Last night after our walk, I was making dinner. Plain white rice and chicken, about as non offensive as you can get and Kevin saw the hot sauce on the counter. His eyes darted to the rice and chicken and in a panic asked “why is the hot sauce down?” I told him I ate it on the pineapple that morning (don‘t worry I am not that crazy, I didn‘t). He said that was fine with him as long as it didn’t touch dinner.

The only thing Kevin and I have successfully induced is heartburn and a slight phobia of hot sauce.

All in all I am pretty sure inducing labor outside of going to the hospital and being induced is impossible. So instead of trying to force Noah out between now and Wednesday I am going to relax, eat food that doesn’t fight back and attempt to enjoy these next couple of days if he doesn’t decide to show up until Wednesday (or Thursday because I said I was going to have a Cinco De Mayo baby!).

(I am pretty sure that I just said I was planning on relaxing….if that doesn’t jinx me into labor I don’t know what will!)

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