Kevin-isms

While going through old pictures…

Me: Should I dye my hair back to brown?

Kevin: Oh God.

Me: Seriously Kevin, which do you prefer? You can be honest, it wont bother me.

Kevin: This is a trap, I like you the way you are.

Me: No. Blonde or Brown. You have to prefer one or the other…it is science or something.

Kevin: No.

Me: BLLLLLONDE or BRRRRROWN.

Kevin: NO!

Me: Blonde?

Kevin: No….please stop…

Me: Brown?

Kevin: Ugh. No.

Me: Do you like my hair now?

Kevin: NO!

Kevin has entered that alternate husband reality where time slows down and they experience the armageddon feeling of putting their foot in their mouth (also see: any answer besides no to the question does this make me look fat?)

Me: WHAT?! Why?! Oh my God! What is wrong with it?! (I continue to spin into an anxiety induced hair melt down)

Kevin: NOOOO. I was just saying no! I wasn’t even listening to you!

Look of even further wife scorn…

Kevin: No! I was listening to you…and I love your hair….and…ummm…crap…I love you, I am an idiot.

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2 thoughts on “Kevin-isms

  1. After soliciting my husband’s opinion, I decided to get bangs. A year later, when I asked if I should keep my bangs, he mentioned that he never liked bangs. What? I just wonder if there are some key words that trigger in men an alternate mental state full of comic books and beer and sports that blocks them from forming a rational opinion or even sputtering out a reasonable response. If there is, “hair” must be one of those words.

  2. Lol! This had me laughing out loud. I quit asking for my hb’s opinion about such things…I always noticed this ‘drool with distance glazed look’ and finally figured out he was not really ‘there’ and anything he said was just this robotic response anyway. He never asked me about my opinion on how big his ‘tukus’ was, if his pants made him look…’umm? large’, and what hairstyle he should have (have to have hair first). Aahhh…the give and take of marriage.

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