What’s a poll got to do with it?

(Channel Tina Turner to fully appreciate the title of this blog.)

There is a lot of buzz out there right now about a poll that claims 75% of women love their kids more than their husbands.

They gave two options. They forced you to choose husband or kids.

Since this poll dropped I have seen a lot of bloggers pop up proudly boasting they are in the 75% and others saying they love their husbands more.

This all just makes me sick.

Why is this a poll?

Why is this even a question?

How can you weight your love a percentage or on a scale?

Do not get me wrong, I love my husband. But I don’t love him more than my son and I don’t love my son more than my husband.

I love them each, 100%.

I was raised to know true unconditional love.

I know what conditional love is and I won’t ever put a condition like “I love you more” on my husband or my children.

My biological father was emotionally abusive, 99% of the time I wasn’t the recipient of it…my younger brother was. Even though it wasn’t directed at me it had a profound effect on me.

Sometimes his insults were big and fiery with swear words and threats but those weren’t the ones that hurt the worst. The ones that stung, that I still hear were the ones that came when he would compare love.

A simple “I love you more,” hurt far worse than any of his verbal charades of anger.

To see the hurt in my brothers eyes to see him always try to vie for his approval and be shot down all the while I sat on a pedestal killed me.

It was a double edged sword. It hurt just as much to be the one “love more” than to be on the receiving end of the verbal blow. Because I didn’t love my brother “if”, I just loved him. I loved (and still do) everything about him. It hurt me so deeply to see my brother hurt. It still stings to remember those days and remember praying so hard at night that my dad would wake up the next day and love us all the same and be happy and see what an awesome kid my brother was.

Luckily my biological dad wasn’t always in the picture and my mom was.

She raised us to know that when you love someone there aren’t caps or conditions on that love.

Love isn’t finite.

What are these bloggers trying to prove or accomplish with these statements?

My marriage is great, being a mommy is great and I think both my husband and son are great.

Am I missing where classifying my love for them would have a purpose (other than for shameless blog promotion…cough cough TIME magazine cover)?

Noah loves me and cuddles with me even though he doesn’t know what ‘love’ is, he just knows it makes him happy.

Isn’t that simple, just love because it makes you happy.

My one year old gets it.

No one is making anyone literally choose who they love more so why do it?

According to Ayelet Waldman, the originator of all this ridiculousness she loves her husband more because she simply cannot imagine joy again in her life if she were to lose him. That if one of her 4 children were to be taken from her at least she would still have him.


How can any mother come to the conclusion that she would have more metaphorical joy if one of her kids died versus her husband?

I feel bad for her children. To hear your mom say it would hurt me to lose you but I would have no joy if your dad died…yikes.

I don’t know why she would “what if” such a scenario. I know many women who have been through both of her imagined situations and I can tell you there is no winner.

I am not putting on a front or saying what think people want to hear it is the honest truth.

I love my husband and son equally and differently.

I love them both with every capacity that I have to love even when Kevin forgets the thing he went to the store for or Noah makes changing his poopy diaper a physical battle and I lose.

My husband and I chose to love each other and it is something that developed over time and continues to grow.

My love for Noah was instant and instinctual and has grown every day since he was born.

I don’t think that the love you have for your husband or children should or can be compared.

What’s the point?


4 thoughts on “What’s a poll got to do with it?

  1. Wow, that was very well said. I never understood those people who can only love you “IF “… those that don’t understand unconditional love. And I DON’T understand this poll …I too feel bad for that womens kids. Its sad.. But I do know that I love you, Noah, Kevin, Zack, Spencer and Brian beyond words… with all that I am, 100% =0)

  2. Well lets look at it this way. I doubt the poll offered any real incite as to why mothers voted in favor of their children. This is instinct at it’s finest. It is natural to put your children before your spouse. Because it’s a different kind of love. Nature tells us nothing is more valuable than the preservation of our young because it is they that ensure you live on. Don’t be to hard on the mother’s that voted this way. I’m sure had the pole been for fathers the result wouldn’t have been much different. I think when such questions a posed the posters need to think carefully about the point of their question. Love is unconditional. Because you love that person for being them. They are a one and only so love for one person can not be measured against that which we have for another.

    • It isn’t that I am being hard on the women who voted in the poll.
      I am more focusing on the aftermath of the poll results and why this is even a poll.
      The women used in the poll for whatever reason were put in the situation to chose and they did. I am more opposed to those women writing articles stating they love one more or the other period.
      The article that actually caused me to want to write this blog is the article from Ayelet Waldman. It really shocked me to hear a mother weigh the pro’s and con’s of if one of her children died or her husband died and which she would prefer.
      I completely agree with your statement that love is unconditional and that it cannot be measured.
      It is a touchy subject and I know everyone is entitled to their own opinion.
      It just seems like there is a poll and statistic for everything these days!

      • So right. I think that it is kind of depressing to know that the author of the blog weighed up the pro’s and con’s. Some things just shouldn’t be poll questions. I hope that her children don’t come across it as adults how sad.

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