I know. I’ve heard it. You’ve heard it.
These are the days.
The days I am supposed to long for when they are packing up the car and headed for college. The days I will reminisce over when they are walking down the isle. The days when my nest is empty I will long for.
But I am telling you yesterday was NOT one of those days.
I would not, do not want to and could not relive yesterday.
I survived yesterday.
I ended the day sobbing in my bath tub and then being held by my husband until my brain finally gave up the chaos that was yesterday.
It started out hopeful.
We had an RSV home health care nurse coming to give Evan his RSV shot. Well take a sick toddler who had wondered down to the living room couch with his blanket and pillow to continue sleeping for the first time past 6am in a week and add a stranger coming in to give his brother a shot waking him and you get a miniature apocalypse.
The home health care visits are supposed to make things easier, but honestly they don’t. It took an hour to get everything situated for ONE shot.
One hour of Noah crying, Evan crying, Aiden crying and mom and dad just trying to answer the 5 million questions the nurse had for us.
All the while I am thinking about how and when to get Noah back to the doctor because 4 full days on an antibiotic and still feeling the way he was wasn’t right.
After she finally left I stayed with the twins and Kevin took Noah to the doctor by himself.
After he returned we had good news, Noah was just in the end stages of rosella, his ears looked better but his molars were still coming in strong.
We thought we would have a rainy day in of chicken noodle soup and movies but the day had other plans for us.
We had just fed Aiden and he has had bad reflux lately. I was holding him, since I like to keep him up a while after he eats to try to help with the reflux eh had a bad episode and it gagged him and came straight out his nose. He then started to choke. I don’t mean gag I mean choke. All that milk was stuck in the back of his throat and he couldn’t get it to go back down or out because he was panicking.
The class we took before leaving the NICU immediately flew into my memory after the suctioning didn’t work and luckily turning him over down on my knee did. More than anything the switch in position, the gravity being on his side to get the milk out and the surprise of being turned over on my knee took him out of the panic for a second and let him throw up.
When we took that class they told us about this exact situation and said it is more common than people realize and usually gravity will do the trick, just don’t keep suctioning him on his back, it won’t help.
That is what I would have done, so I am so thankful for the class.
I have never been so scared. His eyes were filled with fright. He couldn’t breathe. I will never forget those eyes.
Kevin was getting ready to dial 911. It was that serious.
After we called his doctor and made sure he was ok we thought the day would calm down.
But then Evan started crying and didn’t stop for 4 hours.
4 hours of rocking…4 hours of holding…4 hours of bouncing…4 hours of holding…4 hours of singing…nothing worked. We then called and got the dose for Tylenol for him and the nurse told us that the RSV shot is a rough one and this is very common. Sure enough the Tylenol did the trick.
Then no sooner had Evan fallen asleep, Maggie our pug had a really severe long seizure.
She screeched, foamed at the mouth, lost control of her legs and went blind for sometime after the seizure.
At the end of the day I felt like I had been through a war.
Yesterday was awful.
The kind of day where you wonder how bad you are screwing your kids up because you fed your toddler peanut butter and jelly for dinner and try to tell your self well at least it was organic peanut butter so that makes it better right?
The kind of day where you beg God to give you a break tomorrow and wonder how your husband will go back to work after his completely exhausting “day off” back to “normal” life with all his work stresses and be ok.
The kind of day that feels like it takes days off the end of your life.
At the end of the day I sat in the bath before it was filled and allowed myself the time the water filled to the top to cry. The rushing water muffled my sobs. My tears washed away into the water and I laid in the bath until it was cold hoping that when the water drained so would the days pain and stress.
After I got out of the bath the boys were asleep all in our bed and Kevin was watching them. I curled into him and we both just held each other.
And that made it ok.
We softly talked to each other as to not wake the boys. Unloading the day and told each other how much we loved each other.
Even though neither of us could make it better we could lean on each other.
Somehow it just made it easier.
The entire day I was so panicked and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders feeling like it was all up to me…mommy to make everything better.
I just feel very lucky that I have a great daddy to my boys and for me a great husband to live through the days we can’t wait to leave behind, days like yesterday, the survival days of parenthood.
*To note I just found out mid shower, bubbles in hair and all that our basement is flooded and it flooded our hot water heater…oh and our sump pump came unplugged and the cord is floating in the new water feature in my house… today didn’t get the memo it was supposed to be better.